रोज़ रोज़ वाली

मुझे मिलना था तुमसे आज। अंकुर के आवाज से उसके अंदर के रोष का पता चल रहा था।

नहीं आ पाई मैं, वो आज मेरा पेट बहुत दुःख रहा था। रीता का पेट दुःख रहा था या नहीं वो तो रीता जाने लेकिन दर्द तो था कुछ।

रहने दो, जब बाहर मिलना होता है तो कोई पेट में ऐंठन नहीं होती लेकिन जब घर आने को बोलता हूँ तो सौ बहाने।

फ़ोन रख दिया गया। रीता ने भी फ़ोन नीचे कर दिया।

पिछले बार का निशान अब तक नहीं गया है उसके बायें स्तन से। अनजाने में हाथ सीने पर चला गया। दर्द तो नहीं है लेकिन अभी भी ज़ख़्म हरा है।

सात महीने पहले मिली थी अंकुर से। अच्छा लगा था उसके साथ घुमना। फिर एक दिन कार पार्किंग में अंधेरे की वजह से रीता ने अंकुर को किस्स कर लिया।

वो अभी प्यार में नहीं थी लेकिन कोशिश में थी। फिर एक दिन घर आने का निमन्त्रण आया और रीता चली गयी।

अगले दिन सुबह जब अपने घर आयी तो रीता, रीता हो चुकी थी। उसी की ग़लती थी जो पहला क़दम उठाया।

लेकिन अब क्या हो सकता था।

मुझे नहीं अच्छा लगता ये सेक्स करना। रीता ने रोका लेकिन जवाब आया- जबतक करोगी नहीं तबतक अच्छा कैसे लगेगा?

नहीं अच्छा लगा मुझे अंकुर। मैं नहीं करना चाहती कभी भी।

अरे एक बार में सबको दिक़्क़त होती है। तुम कोई रोज़ रोज़ वाली नहीं हो इसीलिए तो मुझे अच्छा लगा। अंकुर की शक्ल अलग थी। किसी तरह का ग़ुरूर था चेहरे पर।

“रोज़ रोज़ वाली नहीं हो तुम”

रीता ने अपनी यादों पर लगाम लगाया और फ़ोन मिलाया।

हेलो अंकुर, मैं तुमसे अब नहीं मिलना चाहती। कभी भी नहीं।

क्यूँ क्या किया अब मैंने?

बहुत कुछ किया लेकिन अब मैं नहीं करना चाहती कुछ।

ओह मन भर गया! तुम्हारा मुझे पता था। पहले किस्स किया और जब मज़ा नहीं आया तो छोड़ दिया।

हाँ, नहीं आया मज़ा मुझे।

“तुम मेरे लिए रोज़ रोज़ वाले ही निकले।”

सिगरेट की क़ीमत

ट्रेन में बैठने के बाद रोशनी की साँस धौंकनी की तरह चल रही थी। किसी तरह से मुँह पर हाथ रख कर ख़ुद को सामान्य किया।

सुमन दूसरे डब्बे में बैठा था। उसके पास जाना था लेकिन अभी नहीं जा सकती थी। मना किया था सुमन ने। एक बार ट्रेन चले तो दो तीन स्टेशन पर साथ बैठ जाएगा आकर।

प्रतापगढ के पास के गाँव में रहते थे सुमन और रोशनी और दोनों एक दूसरे बहुत पास थे।

इतने पास थे कि सिगरेट की पहली कश सुमन ने रोशनी के साथ ली थी और सुमन को रोशनी के हर माहवारी की डेट पता थी।

ये साथ वक़्त के साथ और मज़बूत हो चुकी थी। दोनो परिवार को कोई दिक़्क़त नहीं थी क्योंकि उनके लिए सुमन और रोशनी भाई बहन जैसे थे।

रोशनी कॉलेज में थी और पूरे पचीस की हो चुकी थी।

“सुमन, रोशनी को देखने के लिए लड़के आएँगे तो तुम थोड़े दिन न मिलो उससे।”

“क्यूँ नहीं मिलेंगे हम उससे?”

“अरे, नहीं मिलोगे तो मर थोड़े जाओगे? वैसे भी बच्चे नहीं हो जो पल्लू पकड़ कर चलोगे उसका।”

सुमन ने कुछ नहीं बोला। पल्लू पकड़ कर क्यूँ चलेगा वो रोशनी का?

उसे रोशनी की ऐसे शादी करने के बारे में सुनना अच्छा नहीं लगा।

“तुम चाहती हो हम नहीं मिले तुमसे?”

“हमने ऐसा कुछ नहीं बोला सुमन।”

“तो मिलो हमसे आकर, हमको सिगरेट पीना है अभी।”

“ अभी कैसे आयें?”

“जैसे पहले आती थी।”

दोनों खान बाबा के मजार के पास बैठे हुए थे। आज अग़ल बग़ल के जगह आमने सामने बैठे थे।

“हमको नहीं जाना, सुमन। हम हमेशा ऐसे बैठ कर सिगरेट पीना चाहते हैं तुम्हारे साथ और फ़िज़िक्स पर बहस करना चाहते हैं।”

“कहाँ रहेंगे?”

“दिल्ली। वहाँ “लिव इन रिलेशन” में लोग रह सकते हैं। हम पढ़ा लेंगे बच्चों को। तुम चलोगे?”

“ पक्का?”

“पक्का।”

ट्रेन प्रतापगढ़ से बाहर थी।

स्टेशन पर बहुत भीड़ थी।ऐम्ब्युलन्स में दो स्ट्राचेर गए। एक स्ट्रेचर से सिगरेट का ड़ब्बा गिर गया। लोगों ने सिगरेट आपस में बाँट ली, आख़िर बारह की एक आती है न ।

बुल्लु की नींद

बुल्लु की आँखें नींद से भारी हो चुकी थी। सुबह से तो जगा ही रहता है और फिर हर चप्पे की ख़बर रखना एक बहुत थकावट का काम भी है।

निगोड़ी नींद भी कभी कभी ही आती है। ख़ैर आज तो हवा का रुख़ भी अच्छा है और रात भी गहरी है।

इतना सोचेगा तो सोएगा कैसे!

कोई नीचे आ रहा है। धीरे धीरे उतरने की आवाज़ साफ़ आ रही है। बिना चप्पल जूते पहने हुए है कोई तो। बुल्लु ने एक आँख खोल कर सीढ़ियों का मुआयाना किया लेकिन अभी तक तो कोई दिखा।

बुल्लु उठ कर सीढ़ी घर में छुप गया।

वो नीचे उतर चुकी थी। किसी तरह से से ख़ुद को आख़िरी सीढ़ी पर बिठाया। बुल्लु देख रहा था , छुप कर ।

सीढ़ी बहुत ठंडी थी।सीढ़ी के ठंडे पत्थर ने उसके दर्द को और बढ़ा दिया। वो उठने की कोशिश करने लगी। दोनों हाथों से ख़ुद के वज़न को संभालने की लगातार कोशिश हो रही थी लेकिन अब वो जर्जर हड्डियों में ख़ुद को सम्भालने की ताक़त नहीं थी ।

जिन हाथों को सहारा देना था उन्होंने तो हाथ उठा दिया।

बुल्लु आगे आकर हाथ देना चाहता था लेकिन एक चौपाया एक दोपाये की मदद कैसे करता।

सारे बाल बेतरतीबी से कटे हुए थे, ऐसा लगा जैसे अभी किसी अनगढ़ नाई ने कैंची चलायी हो।

एक टी शर्ट पहन रखी थी जिसके ऊपर हल्दी और तेल के दाग़ थे।

रीबॉक के पैंट पर ख़ून के स्याह धब्बे पड़े थे।

आज मिस्टर अग्निहोत्री ने शायद अपना आपा खो दिया होगा अपनी बूढ़ी माँ पर इसीलिए मिसेज़ साहिला अग्निहोत्री के दाहिने पैर के अंगूठे का नाख़ून ग़ायब था। रात के तीन बजे हैं और साहिला अग्निहोत्री ने अपनी सिसकियों को रोकने के लिए मुँह पर हाथ रख रखा था।

बुल्लु अभी भी सीढ़ीघर में ही था।

अभी कुछ देर में नौकरानी आएगी और हर रोज़ कीतरह साहिला को ऊपर लेकर जाएगी।

ऐसे लोग ना मर पाते हैं ना कोई और मार पाता है। अब कौन अपनी ही माँ को जान से मारेगा। ना ना इतना बड़ा पाप नहीं लेकिन रोज़ तो मार ही सकते हैं।

मरती भी नहीं ये इतनी जरठ साँस है इसकी। अब ओल्ड एज होम भी नहीं छोड़ सकते। दस लोगों को कौन जवाब दे ।

“माँजी चलो ऊपर। सर ने दरवाज़ा खोल दिया आपका। चलिए डॉक्टर के पास भी जाना है , क्योंकि आप बाथरूम में गिर गयी थी ना आज।”

सब कुछ सामान्य हो चुका था अब। ना कोई दुःख था ना कोई रो रहा था। बुल्लु अब सो सकता था। कल वो यहाँ नहीं सोएगा। कल वो सीढ़ीघर में ही सोएगा। रोज़ नहीं देख सकता।

The Harrowing Night

‘ Ralive, Tsaliv ya Galive’. (convert to Islam, leave the place or perish)
‘Ralive, Tsalive ya Galive’.
Everywhere, these words are echoing. Every ticking of the biggest wooden wall clock is making him to shiver.
“They are coming. Nobody is going to save us. They are coming to kill us”, a woman is crying.
Everything was drowning inside a pool of blood. People are laughing harrowingly. He feels a steel touch on his back side of neck. It is piercing inside. It is going deep.
‘Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.’
In every middle of the night, he woke up after experiencing this nightmare. He didn’t forget a single thing which was happened since 20 years ago. He was only 5 years old and on that cold night in which he lost his everyone except his grandmother.
The scar on his back side of the neck was still there.
His phone started ringing. This was not a call, this was his alarm which used to remind him to take his medicine.
Vasuki Dar was only 5 years old when his family slaughtered by unknown people without any reasons. He would have died if his neighbours didn’t come out for help. Although, their help didn’t help him much.
He had moved to Daroja from Sopor with his grandmother. He never thought of leaving Kashmir but that night was not freeing him.
He was not meek or coward but he knew one thing, Kashmir was his home ever and forever. His Dadi used to tell him always- People are bad but not Kashmir. You are still alive because Kashmir loves you.
He completed his study in Kashmir and still he wanted to spend his life into Kashmir. He didn’t hate anyone but every night he used to cry.
He was running tuition classes in Daroja’s main market. He spent his time with young children and teenagers. His doctor always told him- If you want to forget things, you have to move to another place. You cannot forget your past, if you encounter them daily.
But how he could leave everything behind? Kashmir is his only family and he didn’t to make distance from that.
He would not go.

Is Tyrion into a trouble? Watch New Trailer of GOT S7

Put everything aside. Fuck this world.
There is a new trailer of Game of thrones, season 7. You gonna love this because this is going to give you a large shot of adrenaline and that too, organic.
The moment when it has confirmed in no way Cersei is going to stop her malicious intentions to win every kingdom. Jaime is still with her, her true love. Watching both of them you will be falling in their incestuous love. Such incests they are.
Last Lannisters, proud northerners, Carzy Targeryen and the Sand snakes. More stuffs are waiting for you in this season.
“Oh my gawd, Grey worm got a chance to get laid with Missandei. R.R Martin has to take a bow. Finally we can see Yara and Ellaria sand with each other in lesbian mode. We all know Yara is what and Ellaria is a bisexual. So, by this we can calculate the love.
So, our Targeryen queen has stormed over Dragonstone with her all fighting men and Dragons.
But, why our lion Tyrion is roaming around on a mountain when everyone is in war?
Dragons and dragons but also there are dead walking in trailer. So be ready to see the flares and flesh.
Jon and Littlefinger are busy in arguments and hitting and kicking under the Winterfell (basement).
So, Melisandre, the red witch has gone nowhere but still in the seven kingdom. I can speculate she is in the Dragonstone. Only I can hope.
By the way watch this with your chin up. Because this is a Game of Thrones.

Kashmiriyat

“Where are you going from middle of the class?”
“Sir, I was thinking to go home. I ain’t feeling good.” Radhika told a plain lie.
“What happened to you?” Abdul sir asked her with a puzzled face.
“You were good in previous class. I think you are taking upcoming debate lightly.”
“Oh, that Kashmir- Liberation from opperssion. I am upto it. Don’t worry.” She looked so confident.
“Ok go but how will you go.?”
Kashmir College of Arts was far away from Daroja. It took 1 hour to come for Radhika. But she did come, everyday.
“I called home for car.”
She went off from the class. Actually, she was not going home. She was going to pick Rafiq, his best friend. After all he was coming with all statics of her video. She was ready to compile a new song with him. However, Rafiq didn’t know much about camera but for his Aka, he had to do it.
She was about to enter into her car, suddenly she heard some argument coming from outside of the college gate.
“Uncle, give me a minute.” She told her car driver and moved forward to see.
She saw a 8 years old girl was arguing with some boys where like 16-18 years. She saw boys pushed her a side after some seconds.
“Hey, stop it guys. What is going on there?”
She saw boys ran out from there. She went to the girl and patted on her shoulder.
“What happened?”
“They were telling me to pelt stone over there.” She directed towards her Radhika’s car.
“why?” She was astonished. Why someone would do this.
“I don’t know. They hit me after I told no.”
“Okay go home now. Should I drop you?”
“No, I can go by myself.”
Radhika sat inside her car on driver’s seat and told her driver to sit beside her. She wanted to drive. But still she had the question- why on my car?
Finally, she reached at her destination, the Daroja bus stand.
“Hello, where are you dog?”
“I am about to reach.”
“I am waiting at stand now. Hurry up.”
Now, she took out her notepad and wrote- ‘Liberation from oppression’.
Kashmir is our home. Kashmir is in our soul. Other than Insaniyat (humanity), Kashmiriyat is what we have got. We have seen slavery, we have seen atrocities, we have seen murders. Now we need Salvation. We are on the verge of becoming a body with soul. Without Kashmir, we are nothing. I, myself Radhika Mirza..
“Hey, Aka.”
“Rafiq, you dog.” She ran towards him to hug him so tight. After a long period of time, she felt presence of a human. She was enjoying the moment. She didn’t want to let him go. She was with him now. Her best friend.

माफ़ कीजियेगा

माफ़ कीजियेगा इस पोस्ट के लिए थोड़ी बेहूदा भाषा में लिखी हुई है

लेकिन क्या फ़र्क़ पड़ता है मेरे लिखने से| Character Judgement तो दो मिनट में दे कर निकल लेंगे देश के राष्ट्रवादी गायक “अभिजीत” की तरह| मतलब अखंड बेहूदा इंसान है, इतना बेहूदा इंसान है ये कि इसकी बेहूदगी देख कर लगता है इसके माँ- बाप ने भी दो बार सोचा होगा- किया जाए या न किया जाए?

मतलब जिसने इतने सुरीले गाने गाये हो उसके दिमाग में इतना जहरीला कीड़ा कैसे पनप सकता है लेकिन इसको देख कर लगता है सुरीली आवाज़ उस वक़्त इसीलिए निकल रही थी क्योंकि कीड़ा बहुत छोटा था और अब बड़ा हो कर कहीं से बाहर निकलने की कोशिश में लगा हुआ है|

अब जरा बात करते हैं परेश रावल की| कहते हैं हैं जब अच्छा एक्टर/ कलाकार किसी किरदार में दिलोदिमाग से घुस जाता है वो वैसा ही बन जाता है और परेश रावल को देख कर लगता है इसने रेपिस्ट और भांड का किरदार बहुत दिल से निभाया था तभी आज ऐसे बोल निकल रहे हैं |

इसकी घटिया बात सुन कर लोग कह रहे हैं- गलती अरुंधति रॉय की है| जब वो ऐसा बोल सकती है तो परेश जी भी बोल सकते हैं उन्हें जीप में बांधने को|

तब मुझे लगता है अच्छा गधों के बच्चों, तो हमने परेश रावल को इसीलिए वोट दिया था ताकि वो किसी की भी बात पर उसको जीप से बांधने की वकालत करे| धन्य हो अच्छा है तुम सब गधों के बच्चें हो और हम बंदरों के|

जब गधों की बात की है तो नरेंद्र मोदी जो की सबसे बड़े गधे हैं मतलब हत्यारे गधे हैं उन्हें भूल नहीं सकती|

Manchester में 19 लोगो के मरने पर धड़धड़ कर के ट्विटर पर शोक व्यक्त कर दिया लेकिन खुद के यहाँ रोजाना लोग मर रहे हैं उसपे क्या हाथों में कोढ़ लग जाता हैं| हद घनचक्कर इंसान है अपना प्रधानमंत्री|

“मैंने बहुत बहुत बड़े लोगो से दुश्मनी मोल ली है|’

अरे भाई कौन हैं ये बड़े लोग? खुद तो गधे से प्रेरणा लेते हो और पूरी दुनिया को गधा बनाने में लगे हो| तमिलनाडु के किसानों ने दिल्ली आकर प्रदर्शन किया उस पर बोलने में मुँह में कनपुरिया पान चबा कर बैठे थे जो बोल नहीं सकते थे और वहां श्रीलंका में जाकर बकर बकर कर दिया तमिल किसानों पर| दे दो न तमिल श्रीलंका को जब श्रीलंका में ही जाकर बोलना था थारे को|

दिमाग का दही कर दिया है इस बतख पार्टी ने| शर्म करो बाबा कुछ तो शर्म करो|

मत करना वैसे वो भी जाने क्या बोल कर करोगे|

Her ring finger

Finally train came with its sad honking as it also realised all the swearing of Rafiq. Rafiq searched his seat and sat down but he didn’t stop his swearing in murmuring sound.
There was a couple sitting in front of him. The lady was glowing like a diamond may be because of her love.
He overheard them.
‘I am eagerly waiting to see our country beautiful state.’
‘Yes, this time we can see the heaven finally.’
Rafiq was overwhelmed by these compliments for his state.
He couldn’t resist himself from speaking.
‘You both will feel so good there.’
The man looked upon him in question.
‘Hey, I am sorry for overhearing and interruption but I am from Kashmir so I can say it for sure.’
‘My name is Rafiq, Rafiq Adzan.’
‘My name is Vikram Thakur and she is my beloved wife Razia Haseen.’
‘Nice to meet both of you.’
‘We were planning this trip from 3 years but for some reason it always postponed.’
‘I am happy that you are going this time.’
Suddenly Rafiq phone started vibrating. It was from Ammi.
“Where are you Rafiq? You didn’t call for once today? Are you alright?” Mother was in so much stressed.
‘Ammi I am good, and I am in some college meeting. I couldn’t call you. Sorry.’
He wanted to cut the phone as soon as possible. He didn’t want to give her a slightest of hint about his coming to home.
‘Ok bye Ammi, I will call you soon.’
He put down the phone with a sigh of relief.
‘Mothers are mothers.’ He said while smiling.
He looked upon them for some reaction but both were giving a sad look.
‘Not every mother is an angel.’ Razia said while looking at other side. May be she was in tears.
Rafiq looked at her left hand from where the ring finger was absent or looking like someone notched it down.
Sad affairs.
Vikram started kissing her hand and said- ‘you can see it is a inter religion marriage and my own family disowned me and her. Even try demolished my office in my city.’
‘I could never went back.’
Rafiq felt bad for them but he was happy to see both of them in comfort.
Soon, the trio had their dinner together and started watching movie.
Tonight, Rafiq didn’t feel like a different person or foreigner with both of them. He felt like one of them.
Stressed, Sad, isolated and more over bullied.

Pradhyut, the southy

‘Amma, I love you this much.’ Pradhyut hugged her mother.
Today, Jayanthi Rangnathan was so proud of her son. He finally recruited in Madras Regiment. This was his last day with her and he didn’t want to leave her. She cooked his favorite dosa with tamarind soaked sambhar, his son’s favourite.
“Jaya, our baby would become a great person.” Raman was caressing Jayathi’s head.
“What we are going to name him? A great person?”, Jayathi giggled on Raman’s words.
“Pradhyut”.
‘Pradhyut Jayathiraman- Son of Jayathi and Raman.
‘Amma, bye bye’, Pradhyut screaming at his loudest. His heart was screaming too- Mother, don’t let me go.
He sat down on his seat in train which was going straight to Kashmir. His first posting was in Kashmir. He checked his bag for his camera. He didn’t want to lose it as it was given by his beloved mother.
‘Buddy, you got a DSLR?’ one of the batchmate asked him.
‘Yeah, I love to take pictures.’ He replied.
‘Yeah, you can take pictures of rotten bodies of traitors.’ He started laguhing in so scary manner.
‘Why are you saying like this?’
‘So what should I say? You are not going for some fucking honeymoon with your wife, you Southy.’ He started bullied him now.

Pradhyut didn’t try to reply him back because he was used to these kind of comments. He knew they were jealous from his DSLR. He changed his seat as he couldn’t change his coach.
HIs train was 5 hours late. At last, train started to rolling and running slowly on tracks. He started looking outside. He wanted to look at the beautiful city as he never got a chance to saw it. It was really beautiful and now it was making hard for him to leave it behind.
‘What Madras battalion says- Veera Madrasi, adi kollu, adi kollu (brave Madrasi, hit and kill, hit and kill)’. He was remebering his mother. She was more than a mother. She was a battalion in herself actually.
She was in love with her nation that if war happens she could alone kill everyone. But still everyone mocks me and her by calling southy.
He got tears in his eyes by imagining his mother alone in home.
He couldn’t help this. Now it’s late.

Radhika and Rihanna

‘You are looking beautiful like Radha in the picture’, Her mother blessed her.
‘Mom, this is not so cool. I like Rihanna more’, she gave her mother a sad face. Radhika was a hardcore fan of Rihanna and Sia as they both were the famous pop-stars and feminists.
‘I hate this Rihanna or Miohanna’, her mother didn’t want her daughter to become like Rihanna.
Radhika wanted to become a singer but for fulfilling her singing dreams, she had to get out of Daroja. She couldn’t get a chance to show her talent even for once.
In few ceremonies, she got the chance to sing but still not her favourite Rihanna, just one or two chessy Bollywood songs.
“When the time will come for me too?” She always used to ask this question to herself while practising.
Daroja was not a big place to fulfill her big dreams but still Daroja had got a heart. People used to compliment Radhika because of her singing and her thought provoking speeches. She was a speaker in her town.
She loved her Daroja but still she wanted to go some other place.
“When you are coming”?
“I am at the station only and waiting for this trash train.”
“But, you will get late. Your Ammi will get worry.”
“No, she will not. I didn’t tell him about my coming.”
“But, I told her”. She giggled and ruined his dreams.
“You bitch, I shouldn’t have told you about anything.”
“You dog, Just come home and giver her a surprise.”
She didn’t tell anyone about Rafiq’s coming home. He was her best friend like Krishna with Sudama. They knew each other since their childhood. She was eagerly waiting for him to come so that she could sing a new song in front of him.
He uploaded her songs on youtube because in Daroja internet connectivity was not available regularly. But, it didn’t lessen her courage to move further and further.