I am making this confession publicly, not to be judged by others, not to be shamed by others and not to be disappointed over me. I am making this confession just because I have grieved too much already and not in a mood to going for more.
I am neither a patient nor an abnormal, but I have pockets full of emotions which spill themselves out time to time and that is my pain. This becomes sometimes very hyper because I have none to whom I can share. Actually, I have friends but they actually get me wrong and treat me like I need sympathy whenever I try to tell them about the phase which I go through.
This anxiety has no limits and no ending point. It makes me brittle and shattered and breaks my hopes and strength to live life. I have no guilt about it because it is not self-made. People come with new ideas about how I should get calm during my anxiety and about how should I remember some good times but you know what, it doesn’t work and it would never because anxiety is not about having bad times or going through bad phase of life.
Anxiety can come at any moment of time. Many chances, when you would alone but I got it when I was in the public place and I was in my office with 40 people around my table.
I can recall the incident when I encountered it for the first time. I was in my room all alone and it started with a bad note. I was really going through personal disasters which led ‘anxiety’ in my life. One thousand thoughts about random universe started running in my mind and it was like a havoc because I couldn’t able to resist it. Shivering, body pain and chaos started surrounding me, at a fast pace. Tears trickled down on my cheeks and I was like what’s going with me? It ended up with crying and cut myself to bleeding.
Nowadays, it starts anywhere and I am unable to blame time because I live very good life. Every time, when it comes, it makes me more curious to know it. I don’t know how to erase it from life but now, I have adopted it as my child and I have started learning to live with it.
There are so many people in the world who have this anxiety and still have a fight with this. I don’t know what to tell all of you but only one thing I understood because of this is Whenever it comes, it comes with a lot more random questions and mysteries and if you crack it, you just crack the whole universe. Trust me!